I feel so happy yet sooo sad. I spoke to my EVARO today and we had a nice little long talk. We spoke about me, but most importantly, about him. He is doing really good he has new motivations and new ways. he is doing things better!!! He laughed with me and well I enjoyed our talk. But on the real side I am devastated to find out that is true that he is going out with an older woman. he met her at the club and well even though she is married he is ok with that.
I new that he would eventually find someone else but a married woman? that I never really imagined from him. I am scared that he may fall in love with this woman and that I will never be able to get to be back with him...
in two weeks we will be married for one year already and I am happy because even though we are not together he is still mine by law and that gives me some type of hope. I love him sooo much and all I want is to be with him and forget about everything but this time i want things to be different I really want him to fall in love with me first and then maybe we can go back together. Small things make great things!!!
So Nana has decided that she will give herself another opportunity to love. She will allow herself to start a romance with Takumi. I don't blame her he is like soooooooooo HOT!!! She is totally into the same type of guys that I am because OMG Takumi is definitely the best from Trapnest!
Anyways so I really don't know what to make out of that! I know that I would too give a man an opportunity, but I am not like Nana I would give any idiot an opportunity and because she is so beautiful she can get any hot guy like Takumi. I can't!! Although I guess that just like her I will not be able to forget about Evaro unless I find somebody else. And again just like her I feel really bad about what people(that is my friends and my family) will think of me.
I think with me it's different though because I have forgiven him and there's no one else (at least now) that I would want to be with. I know that if he gave me an opportunity I would go back with him with out even thinking about it twice. I guess that's why people say that I am soooo easy. I don't care though I would definitely go back with him after all he IS still my husband. There is nothing wrong with getting back with your husband...right? well maybe now I'm just making up excuses....
I married him because I loved him, I still do and thinking about him makes me happy and sad, and he always said he didn't want to hurt me and that's why we couldn't be together. But all I ever wanted was a bit of his attention and I would have been happy even if he didn't love me.
I guess is bad though that I would settle for a life like that, it wouldn't be fair for him or for me. I just wish I could make things better. but how? Hachi I need your help!!!
I wish I had a love story like Nana's. I guess my love story is more like Hachi's. I'm always so careless, I give my heart out just like that without thinking twice about it. Just like Hachi, I got deeply hurt, but I wasn't as strong as she was; I literately tried to end the pain by ending my life, she only thought about it.
I can't believe that I feel so sad today though I should be feeling happy because I got a chance to see him even for just a second, but that has never been enough for me. I guess that was another one of my big mistakes, I always wanted his entire attention for myself (even though I allowed him to be free).
All I ever wanted was to be yours, to be loved, and to love back. I was so childish, thinking that I could ever make him fall in love with me just by getting him to be by my side. I think... scratch that, I know that I put too much pressure on him and I lost him. I should have known better.
I hate to admit it but I lost him because I was and still am an immature little girl who doesn't want to grow up. Even though I would really like to say that I don't know how.
I need him so much I feel like I'm loosing energy and I get scared, I always fear myself. I often think that the one person that could really really hurt me is not him.... but me!
Porque sera que aun despues de tanto tiempo aun te recuerdo, y a pesar del sufrimiento sigo aferrada a amarte? Hoy que escuche tu voz me dio por recordar de nuevo lo lindo que es estar enamorada de ti. Te e echado mucho de menos y apesar de todo el sufrimiento que pase por estar siempre buscando un poco de tu cariño, no te e podido olvidar. Hoy se que te amo! Pero el engaño acabo con mis iluciones y quiero olvidar pero no puedo, el dolor y el rencor siguen presentes en mi mente, y a pesar de que mi ser te quiere perdonar mi corazon no puede olvidar. Es verdad que el amor puede hacer feliz pero tambien destruye y amarte destrozo mi vida y te prometo que siempre siempre te voy a llevar en mi corazon! No hace falta ni siquiera pronunciar tu nombre pues aun me causa dolor y rencor y delante de la gente yo sigo herida y lo peor enamorada!
