uncomfortable situation

Lopez

what do you do when you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation?

what do we do when we find ourselves struggling to get up every day?



I thought everything would be good, there where so many promises made.  so many things that where said that really made it easy to fall for someone. but what happens when you decide to make the commitment and everything becomes a lie?  all the things you where told and all the promises flew away.  I am not sure what to do everything changed and I really want to make things right for us but I am not sure what to do at this point.

my life has become so sad, I live in fear, I don't feel free to do what I like.  I don't want to live like this but I am afraid of what could happen if I ever left.  maybe things will be better with me, but what a bout her? what about that innocent girl that sees everything?  she doesn't have to suffer because I make mistakes. true I was warned about all this but I cannot escape.  I care for him a lot but I am not sure how much he cares for me.  he sais soo many things and says that he loves me but where is the love when he gets angry? where is the feeling of caring for someone when he disagrees with what I believe?  what should I do?  I need some advice I need some help?  HELP!!! please somebody just help me decide what to do.

A NEW OPPORTUNITY

This upcoming Wednesday September 11, 2013 is the twelfth anniversary of the twin towers bombing.  an always remembered date for all who were present in the USA to hear the devastating news.  many tears were shed and many people were left behind to remember forever that tragic event that killed hundreds. 

 

this upcoming 9/11/2013 I will be standing before a judge at court to receive the custody of my daughter.  I have been struggling for 4 years to get back up on my feet and be able to hold my head up and step up to fight for my daughter.  I will be facing my blood my mother before the judge a battle for my daughters versus my own mother. I am nervous but confident that I can come out of that court successful.  I have fought so much since I have had many good comebacks, I graduated high school I am working I live with my daughter I am taking full responsibility of her and I am also a full time student.  I have dedicated four years of my life to become worthy of being called a mother and I am not willing to give up.  I just want to come out of there with my head tall and my daughter by my side.  I don't want to have any negative taught and I want to believe in myself that in the worst case scenario I will be able to stay calm and keep on fighting for my daughters well being.  so that we can be together for ever fighting against the world to become the very best women in our familia  its just her and I and I want us to start a legacy of strong women who are luchadoras y vencedoras.  women who don't give up. I haven't given up and everything I have done that has been wrong I have been able to learn from and come out strong again.  I am not giving up for my daughter and she will not give up either because I will teach her I will be her instructor and she will learn that the only way to succeed is by walking forward no matter what. 

 

 this upcoming 9/11 is my moment in history this is my time to make a change and to impact my life and my daughters life for ever!

Lopez

 so I just created a new blog its called Lopez you can check it out!!! is just a blog to have fun with ideas and thoughts like I have been doing also personal experiences and what not but I hope to keep up with this new blog more than I have been doing with this one lol so yeah the only thing is that this new blog is in Spanish I will post in English as well but I really mean to get out there to our shy Mexican community!!! don't worry friends I will be making many in English too lol I guess it will all depend on the mood I am  in well good night for now!!!

Thought 4

I feel so happy yet sooo sad.  I spoke to my EVARO today and we had a nice little long talk.  We spoke about me, but most importantly, about him.  He is doing really good he has new motivations and new ways.  he is doing things better!!! He laughed with me and well I enjoyed our talk. But on the real side I am devastated to find out that is true that he is going out with an older woman.  he met her at the club and well even though she is married he is ok with that.

I new that he would eventually find someone else but a married woman? that I never really imagined from him. I am scared that he may fall in love with this woman and that I will never be able to get to be back with him...

in  two weeks we will be married for one year already and I am happy because even though we are not together he is still mine by law and that gives me some type of hope.  I love him sooo much and all I want is to be with him and forget about everything but this time i want things to be different I really want him to fall in love with me first and then maybe we can go back together.  Small things make great things!!!

Thought 2

So Nana has decided that she will give herself another opportunity to love. She will allow herself to start a romance with Takumi. I don't blame her he is like soooooooooo HOT!!! She is totally into the same type of guys that I am because OMG Takumi is definitely the best from Trapnest!

Anyways so I really don't know what to make out of that! I know that I would too give a man an opportunity, but I am not like Nana I would give any idiot an opportunity and because she is so beautiful she can get any hot guy like Takumi.  I can't!! Although I guess that just like her I will not be able to forget about Evaro unless I find somebody else.  And again just like her I feel really bad about what people(that is my friends and my family) will think of me. 

I think with me it's different though because I have forgiven him and there's no one else (at least now) that I would want to be with.  I know that if he gave me an opportunity I would go back with him with out even thinking about it twice.  I guess that's why people say that I am soooo easy.   I don't care though I would definitely go back with him after all he IS still my husband.  There is nothing wrong with getting back with your husband...right? well maybe now I'm just making up excuses....

I married him because I loved him, I still do and thinking about him makes me happy and sad, and he always said he didn't want to hurt me and that's why we couldn't be together.  But all I ever wanted was a bit of his attention and I would have been happy even if he didn't love me. 

I guess is bad though that I would settle for a life like that, it wouldn't be fair for him or for me.  I just wish I could make things better.  but how? Hachi I need your help!!!

 

Thought 1

I wish I had a love story like Nana's.  I guess my love story is more like Hachi's. I'm always so careless, I give my heart out just like that without thinking twice about it. Just like Hachi, I got deeply hurt, but I wasn't as strong as she was; I literately tried to end the pain by ending my life, she only thought about it.

I can't believe that I feel so sad today though I should be feeling happy because I got a chance to see him even for just a second, but that has never been enough for me.  I guess that was another one of my big mistakes, I always wanted his entire attention for myself (even though I allowed him to be free).

All I ever wanted was to be yours, to be loved, and to love back. I was so childish, thinking that I could ever make him fall in love with me just by getting him to be by my side.  I think... scratch that, I know that I put too much pressure on him and I lost him.  I should have known better.

I hate to admit it but I lost him because I was and still am an immature little girl who doesn't want to grow up.  Even though I would really like to say that I don't know how. 

I need him so much I feel like I'm loosing energy and I get scared, I always fear myself.  I often think that the one person that could really really hurt me is not him.... but me!

Por Que Sera?

Porque sera que aun despues de tanto tiempo aun te recuerdo, y a pesar del sufrimiento sigo aferrada a amarte? Hoy que escuche tu voz me dio por recordar de nuevo lo lindo que es estar enamorada de ti. Te e echado mucho de menos y apesar de todo el sufrimiento que pase por estar siempre buscando un poco de tu cariño, no te e podido olvidar. Hoy se que te amo! Pero el engaño acabo con mis iluciones y quiero olvidar pero no puedo, el dolor y el rencor siguen presentes en mi mente, y a pesar de que mi ser te quiere perdonar mi corazon no puede olvidar.  Es verdad que el amor puede hacer feliz pero tambien destruye y amarte destrozo mi vida y te prometo que siempre siempre te voy a llevar en mi corazon! No hace falta ni siquiera pronunciar tu nombre pues aun me causa dolor y rencor y delante de la gente yo sigo herida y lo peor enamorada!