A cry of sadness!

What have I done for the past few years of my life? What has happened in my life that has made me who I am now. Today! I am absolutely nothing I have nothing to offer my daughter and I have nothing to look forward to. I am loosing my daughter and I am being really selfish by not allowing her to go with a family that will perhaps make her forget that she has such a shitty mom. I know I am not ready to be a mother, but I am not ready to let go off from my little angel. I am lost in despair thinking every single day about what will happen when the day comes when I do have to separate from her for a very long time. I am scared of loosing her forever. I am scared of rejection from her. I am scared that she will not forgive me for not being able to be a mother for her. For letting her grow in a family that was once mine and now it will be hers. I fear that I might have to hear her call someone else mother and not remember that it was I who gave life to her. I am fearful that she will not remember that I love her and that what I did was all for her. I know that I leave her on her own many times and that I am not always there when she needs a mother to give her a hug and to tell her that she loves her. I am not always there to put her asleep pr to take her to the bathroom when she needs to go an she is being trained. I know that she cries because I am not there and that she asks for me when she doesn't see me for a long time. I care about he I really do but I know in my heart and in my conscience that I am hurting her and that she needs a full time mother. I know that I don't deserve to be a mother but I am too much of a coward to let go off her because I know that I will be hurting and that I will no longer have any right to claim her my daughter. I know I lost her already and I know that I will never ever deserve t0 be called mom by my little angel. I LOVE YOU NEOMI! I am sorry I am not the mother you need!