A cry of sadness!

What have I done for the past few years of my life? What has happened in my life that has made me who I am now. Today! I am absolutely nothing I have nothing to offer my daughter and I have nothing to look forward to. I am loosing my daughter and I am being really selfish by not allowing her to go with a family that will perhaps make her forget that she has such a shitty mom. I know I am not ready to be a mother, but I am not ready to let go off from my little angel. I am lost in despair thinking every single day about what will happen when the day comes when I do have to separate from her for a very long time. I am scared of loosing her forever. I am scared of rejection from her. I am scared that she will not forgive me for not being able to be a mother for her. For letting her grow in a family that was once mine and now it will be hers. I fear that I might have to hear her call someone else mother and not remember that it was I who gave life to her. I am fearful that she will not remember that I love her and that what I did was all for her. I know that I leave her on her own many times and that I am not always there when she needs a mother to give her a hug and to tell her that she loves her. I am not always there to put her asleep pr to take her to the bathroom when she needs to go an she is being trained. I know that she cries because I am not there and that she asks for me when she doesn't see me for a long time. I care about he I really do but I know in my heart and in my conscience that I am hurting her and that she needs a full time mother. I know that I don't deserve to be a mother but I am too much of a coward to let go off her because I know that I will be hurting and that I will no longer have any right to claim her my daughter. I know I lost her already and I know that I will never ever deserve t0 be called mom by my little angel. I LOVE YOU NEOMI! I am sorry I am not the mother you need!

Miracles do Exist!

A few days ago I found myself feeling very depressed and absolutly worthless. My daughter's birthday is coming up, tomorrow that is, and with the struggle of finding a job and being unsuccesful I realized I had absolutly no money for a birthday gift. I was on the top of the cliff just about ready to let myself go, but then it occured to me to seek help and find someone that could help me find a job so that in the near future I didn't have to see myself facing the same challenge all over again. So I called DeAnna (the Teacher's Assistant at Lindsay) and she reminded me that the Street of Dreams program would be starting soon and that maybe I could speak to the director of the program Teresa Gunn. I then thought to myself why wait until the class starts?, why not call her now?, and so I did and she told me to call a man, named Joseph, who works at the Metro Career center in City Heights, who just might be able to help me. Joseph was extremely kind with me and he told me to come see him right away and when I went to his office he explained to me that they could help me undergo some training and then I could get help with job placement. Today I saw Teresa Gunn again at the Street of Dreams class and she reminded me that I am not alone in this world and that there are good people out there who are willing to help people like me. I know that Teresa is miracle in my life and I know that she is a miracle worker for many other young people. I know that miracles do in fact exist. I don't feel lonely anymore because I realize that she is right. There are many great people in my life now that are good-hearted and that stand by my side. I am so blessed for having them in my life and I know in my heart that I will be able to go through the challenges that I am facing now, one way or the other. I will not let myself be broken apart by the struggles of life. I can see now that these struggles bring miracles to our lifes if we are only patient and we seek help from those who are right beside us. Teresa said something to me today that I know is true and I know that she told me this today because miracles exist. She said: Stay close to the people that make you feel 10 feet tall, because these are the people who will help you make things happen for you, and stay away from those that make you feel like shit, because these are the people that won't help at all. Thank you very much Teresa Gunn for your words. Thank you God for sending me this great miracle, and to everyone else: I'd like to ask you to be patient, but do seek for your own miracle worker, because Miracles do Exist!

Note to Lindsay Students.

Dear Lindsay students,
I'd like to share some words with you that maybe can work as a bit of encouragement to help you in your way to success. I'd like to let you all know that each and everyone of you is here today because you have a son or daughter or maybe both. You are all here because you are wonderful women and because you want to succeed. You all have the same goal in life as every mother here at Lindsay, to become a great mother and to make your children proud of you. I am very content to say that I am a Lindsay Graduate and I am looking forward to see each and everyone of you graduate. I want to tell you all that the struggles are always going to be there and that no matter what you must not give up. We are the women that people say "don't have a future' because we got pregnant at a young age. We are the women that men look as trash because we have a child. We are the women that cry in silence because we know once we cry we are ready to get up and walk with our heads high. We are strong women facing a life full of judgment. You are all Lindsay students and you are all going to succeed in life. Its all a matter of having a desire to do so. It's only a matter of wanting to do so and not letting anybody tell you that you can't. We are women that care about our future and we stand together to support each other, because we are all hungry for success and because we all have the determination to not let society predict our future. We are all here to help each other and we know that we are not perfect, but we look forward to becoming the best parent we can and the best way we can do that is by setting the example for our children and become educated, finish high school and go onto college to give our children a better future. I'd like to let you all know that you all have my support and that I will be here to help out if you need something, an advice or a smile, maybe even a chat or just someone to listen to you. Lindsay is my second home and thus you are all my family. I love you all! -Ana Meza

I'm a 2010 Lindsay Graduate!!!!

I finally achieved the first major goal of my life since my daughter was born. I am so proud of myself. I feel like I have been trying to climb a latter for so many years but never quite stepped on that first step. I feel like I have finally climbed the first step of the stairway and that the rest of the steps will be much easier. I also feel like I can actually achieve the goals I've set for myself and I know that someday I will be at the top of the latter and that I will be able to guide my daughter and if she ever has a hard time stepping on the first step I will be there to stretch my hand out so that she can climb all the way up as I have done.
I am so happy to have come to be part of the school Lindsay because I have grown so much as a person and as a mother. I know that without the support from the teachers at Lindsay and the help of the students to keep me on track I would not have gotten this far. I am so determined to finally continue on my way towards education and eventually finishing a career that will be my job for the rest of my life.

San Diego MEChA Central Sunday Dec. 6 2009

This month's San Diego MEChA Central Meeting was held at Cal State San Marcos. The chapters present were few but the meeting went well. The main topic discussed at the meeting was the MEChA Central Constitution which is to be revised by the individual chapters and then taken back to the next central meeting. At the central meeting ideas were put on the table of possible changes that would occur with the constitution, but to make it a fair document we need to have the chapters review it and give their own opinions about the constitution changes. The document will be presented again at the next central meeting and a final document will be set and taken back to the chapters so they see what was decided based on every ones opinions.

Present:
CSUSM
City College
SDSU
UCSD
Palomar College
Lindsay High School

Upcoming events:
SDSU- Noche de Cultura Thursday Dec. 10 from 7pm to 9pm
CSUSM- HS Conference (not sure of date and time)
CSUSM- Rally Dec. 11 from 1pm and on
Palomar College- Cinco de Mayo Event
Regional Meeting Dec. 20 at 10am in Cal State Fullerton

The next central meeting will be January 16th 2010 at 11am in Palomar College

I do want to apologize to the students from UCSD for not being in the picture. The picture was taken after the meeting and by that time you guys were gone, I know I should have taken it before but I completely forgot. Sorry!!!

San Ysidro March! Saturday Dec. 5 2009

The March at San Ysidro Community Park was a meaningful event that was meant to educate the San Ysidro community and their visitors about the realities of the Gatekeeper. More than a hundred people including students and leaders of different organizations showed up and supported the cause.

The 3.5 mile march starting point was at the park and to the border, across the freeway bridge and back to the park. Coffins were carried by the people that marched to represent some of the more than 5,000 recognized bodies (with out counting those other thousands that are unknown) that have been found dead from trying to cross, the majority of the people wore black to remember this as well. As the March went on we invited the residents of SY to join the march and support the cause. Some small businesses supported by calling out our cause on their microphones and other people honked from their cars as they went by. I believe that the march went well and that many people understood the message.

The fight though does not end there, Nuestra Gente will keep fighting for the wall to fall. Our goal will only be reached when there are no more deaths caused by the gatekeeper.

La Union Hace La Fuerza!!! Only together will we be able to reach our goals and help out our people.

Candle-Light Vigil Nov. 23 2009

MEChA de SDSU students held a Candle-Light Vigil protesting the new admissions policy for local students. It is one of the many ways in which the students show support for the students that might be denied the opportunity to attend SDSU for the following year.

Current SDSU students let the HS students know that they are fighting together with them for the removal of the new policy. HS students raised their voice to show that they want to be part of the SDSU student list and they don't have the sources to attend out of state colleges and or universitites out of their local area. They also raised their voices to say that they shouldn't have to compete with out of state students for a spot that belongs to them for being in the local area.

Candles were handed out to the students and where carried as they marched around the campus while singing "No Nos Moveran", and "De Colores" to further extend the message that they want local-access to SDSU. The march started at the Aztec Center stair and went arround the library, ending at Manchester Hall. The candles where then set on the floor to spell the word FORGOTTEN to represent those who have been denied the opportunity to attend SDSU for the following year.

MEChA students from different schools will be fighting together for the restoration of the local students admission policy. They local-access and they want it NOW!

The event went well in overall and while there were many things that could've been better, the message was there and it was being expressed in different ways. I myself attended and was very happy and pleased to know that HS students are being represented by MEChA and that they will keep on supporting us.